Alien Night Club - Show 45?
Alien Night Club <the transcripts>
If you’re just discovering this (Hi!), begin with The Pilot HERE.
New episodes every Saturday morning @ 9:09 a.m. EST. Yay!
Hello, hello, hello, welcome to the show!
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, men and gentlewomen, beings from around the quadrant.
Well, what if China sent big spy balloons floating over the USA to surveil shit? Military shit in particular.
And the first balloon floated up to about 65,000 feet and then left China as the gulfstream winds caught it and took it East. It flew out over the ocean, then finally, many days later, it was over Alaska. The same gulfstream winds took it southeast over Canada and through the United States, making it fly directly over many military bases along the way.
Taking many pictures.
And they did this every year for 7 years.
And the Americans never said anything. Did they know the balloons were there?
There was no way to be sure. So the Chinese kept sending them. Every year, they steered the balloon over the same route, taking the same pictures of those same military bases. From these pictures they observed how the Americans build their military bases. From which they then deduced two things: how to better build military bases of their own…and…how to attack the American military bases if the situation ever arose.
Why not man-up, though? Paint that fuckin thing red. With yellow stars on it. Like the flag of China.
Imagine if the Americans shoot down one of these balloons that is obviously a spy balloon. And they confirm what you may have noticed I said earlier: that the Chinese sent a spy balloon every year and that they steered them over the same routes, taking the same pictures of those same military bases.
Steered them.
Because you would haff to. Even if you knew the wind currents throughout the year and you could guess where the wind would take your balloon, things could happen and it would be blown off-course, denying you those pictures of American military bases.
Which ratchets up the situation considerably.
Someone steered those fuckin things.
It’s actually a great fuckin plan. If the Chinese did it and only got caught on the 5th time doing it, it shows the Americans aren’t as capable as they pretend they are. Because 5 balloons floated over and no one fucking noticed. Any one of those could have an EMP on it or a dirty bomb or some weird biological nerve agent or whatever. And they could paralyze an entire city.
Doing so would almost certainly get them killed, of course. It would be worse than 9/11 because it was another country doing it.
If that happened, Xi could come on TV and say the same thing Putin said: that America has 2 choices: surrender or die. Be destroyed.
Or…
What if Xi comes on the air and says, This is a false-flag operation.
In perfect English, by the way.
He says, This is a false flag operation by the Americans. That balloon that dropped a bomb that incinerated over a million innocent American civilians was launched by the Americans. They concocted a complex plan to infiltrate China in secret, build this weapon, and launch it with the intention of destroying most of an entire city. And the reason they did this is so that they could blame it on China. On us! But listen to me now, people of Earth, and particularly the Americans, I swear to you, with my right hand on a Holy Bible if you like, or any holy book or document, I swear to you, before my creator, my country, and my family, we did not do this. I beg you to exercise restraint and not to attack us, the people of China, without cause, as you will eventually come to learn once all the information has been revealed.
But of course all that would be swept under the rug and the Americans would be like, Xi is full of shit. Sanctions on!
And that would be it.
China would be strangled. Just like North Korea. Just like Iran. Just like Russia.
And then the explosions would begin. In China.
And POTUS would come on TV and talk to the world and he/she/it/they would say, My fellow Americans. I come to you tonight with grievous news. As we are all aware, 5 days ago, the Communisty Chinese launched a weapon at the United States. That weapon was targeted directly at Colorado Springs, Colorado. I am sad and ashamed to say that the weapon scored a direct hit. They really fucked us good. Almost everyone there is dead. All four military bases are destroyed. And over half a million Americans are dead. Most of them civilians. Colorado Springs is also home to the North American Aerospace Defense Command. Also known as NORAD. NORAD is the facility deep inside the mountain. People who work there do a lot of important jobs. Including tracking aircraft in the skies around the United States, the world, and even in low Earth orbit. It is clear that the Chinese targeted NORAD directly, as the weapon literally detonated less than half a mile from this facility. I am pleased to announce that NORAD survived. I was told that when that bomb went off, it produced a massive blast and that the mountain shook. But that’s all it did. Everyone inside survived. The lights didn’t even go out. Suck it, China.
Therefore, an eye for an eye.
Within the next 90 minutes, military bases and naval facilities all over China will come under direct and very, very heavy fire. If you are in China and you are listening to me now, run. Get out. Drive. Ride a bike. Walk if you must. If you walk as fast as you can for the next 90 minutes, you will live. If you stay, you will die. Do not attempt to remove any of your military equipment. Particularly airplanes. Do not attempt to take off. We will begin our bombardment by destroying the runways. We are already watching and we will destroy the runways and anything on them in the next 60 seconds if you attempt to take off. Buildings and other infrastructure will follow. While we have done our best to avoid targeting housing, most military bases in China are built with the buildings very close to one another. Collateral damage is therefore certain. I beg you, therefore, to get out of any of these buildings. Take 10 minutes to gather the essentials, pack a small suitcase, grab your personal documents, photos, and keepsakes. Then go. And do not come back until it is safe to do so. In time, these areas can be rebuilt. But not as military bases. Today, the United States, in response to the brazen act of war by China, is removing China’s ability to make war in the future. We believe this to be a kind and measured act. We assure you that we do not want additional loss of life. But we also cannot allow this kind of aggression to happen ever again. Now, a world in which the United States is the only superpower with a truly global military, some of you may fear that we will use that power to abuse our authority and act like giant dicks. This has certainly happened in the past. At this point, everyone knows that. But the United States of America has always done its best to act in a manner that benefits the entire planet and everyone on it. Including us, obviously. But please answer this question: if your country ruled the world, how would your government behave? Superman’s motto has always been Truth, Justice, and the American Way. The American Way is self-reliance, hard work, freedom, and equal opportunity. If you are an American and you live in a place where everything I just said is a bunch of bullshit, and you have no opportunity, do something about it. Get off your ass and do something about it. Don’t just sit there and complain. That’s not the American Way. The American Way is to get up, take the initiative, and solve the problem yourself. If it’s a problem for you, it’s probably a problem for lots of people. Reach out to those people and get busy working on a solution together. If you can’t find a job because there aren’t very many businesses in your city, go talk to your Mayor and your Chamber of Commerce and tell them that you want to work with them. Together you’ll begin cleaning up and renovating the areas that need it. And anyone who wants to help can come and work and be paid for doing this. Mostly clean-up and construction jobs. Tradesmiths like architects and plumbers and electricians and concrete experts and masons and anyone who owns a company that sells things needed to build homes can come in and join the effort. And the catch is that crime must come to an end. We’ll work out a way to keep the drugs flowing. Because people need their weed and their whatever else. But the shootings and the robberies and the murders must stop. It must become a safe area in addition to a rebuilt area. If there are flowers on the medians at all the stoplights and intersections but the locals know to always drive with your doors locked and always carry a gun, those flowers might as well not be there. But getting back to the problem at hand, if you live or work on a Chinese military base, leave now. The clock is ticking. I will come back on the air and address the world once these hostile military targets have been neutralized and the world is a safer place.
And then a clock appears on the screen. With about 79 minutes remaining.
And within minutes, aerial surveillance of military bases and naval seaports all over China would appear on screen on various channels, all while keeping the White House’s countdown clock in the upper corner of the screen. There’d be helicopters and drones flying over those bases, trying to time their flight time and fuel capacity and range for maximum flight time after the countdown stops and the attack starts. Much like they did with the tsunami in Japan.
And as the clock ticks down, people get nuts.
Imagine the tension.
All the news anchors and people doing a livestream and commenting on it as they watch. Sitting there. Counting down. The whole world would countdown from 10 to zero.
And then right at zero, KA-BOOOM!
Fucking fireballs.
Massive explosions. Massive mushroom clouds of dust and black smoke and fire. There would be so many across the country that within about 30 minutes, the ISS would begin broadcasting a feed. Just like you could see the dust in Manhattan on the morning of 9/11, you’d see dozens and dozens of those all over China.
And then public reaction would start to come in. Pundits punditing. People saying, At least the people in China got a fair warning and were given time to evacuate. The Americans in Colorado Springs weren’t given that chance. They were just minding their own business and then a shockwave wiped out almost everything and those people were murdered. And as the shockwave hit them, they were blasted to pieces in a horrifying manner. One of the few pieces of emergency aid not requested was caskets. Because the rescuers found very few bodies. Anyone outside was atomized in a second. Blasted into tiny pieces. Anyone in a car, too. Anyone in a building received a small amount of protection from the building, but then the building was pulverized like the Twin Towers were. Turned to fine powder. Along with the people inside them. It’s really only people inside solid structures on the very outer periphery of the blast radius that weren’t blown to bits.
Point being — AHHHH!!! — that public opinion would largely be on the side of the Americans.
Now, the military personnel in China would probably be fucked. If they leave, they’re deserters and will eventually be rounded up and shot. But if they stay, they die.
So they’re fucked either way.
What would you do?
Some base commanders would realize the folly in staying. And they would order the immediate full-scale evacuation of their post. The smart ones would give the order to fall back to a new location so that they could regroup from there.
Hopefully Xi and his party would also see it that way.
But of course they wouldn’t. They need live, on-the-scene video of their own carnage in order to counter the live, on-the-scene video of the Americans’ carnage.
So it’s a carnage competition.
And then, 10 minutes later, POTUS comes back on and says, Okay, all the runways have been destroyed. Do you guys believe me now? Has this gotten real yet? We’re going to pause for a few minutes to give everyone a chance to reassess.
If you previously decided you were going to stay but you now want to pull back, please do so now. We will not fire upon you.
You have 1 hour.
And then the real show starts.
Shock and Awe was no joke.
Neither this shall be.
1 hour.
And then a new countdown clock begins.
59:59...
59:58…
59:57…
59:56….
And then the anchors and pundits and influencers and streamers REALLY go nuts. Because things just ratcheted up to a whole NOTHER level.
A whole NOTHER level.
And when it gets inside of a minute, it would be pandemonium.
And then at 30 seconds, POTUS’s face appears again. He says, I warned you. Twice. If you’re still there, may God have mercy on you. We will not.
10…
9…
8…
7…
6…
Blah blah blah
3…
2…
1…
WHUMP
That’s the best verbal description of the sound. Whump.
Followed by bangs and deep rumblings. Flashes of light. A giant bubble of white cloud vapor erupting up from the ground, with the base and buildings completely obscured.
And the white shockwave expands out further and further and further, until it appears to dissipate, until it shimmers and disappears.
And everything on the ground is gone. Just gone. It’s just gray ash and debris where buildings once stood. It just looks like a big abandoned lot.
Everyone is speechless.
People just stand there, looking at their TV, their computer, their phone. Staring at it.
And then a disembodied voice comes on. Like… a military person in a bunker somewhere, sitting there staring at monitors and wearing a headset. A young woman’s voice. American accent. She says, All targets neutralized. She lets out a deep sigh. And mumbles, Fuck.
And that pretty much sums it up.
Everyone knows the Chinese asked for it and had it comin and the Americans did what they had to do but at least they tried to spare as many lives as they could. But even so, this whole sordid affair and the unmistakable, undeniable reality of what our modern weapons are capable of warrants a hearty and weary Fuck.
And that woman would eventually be trotted out to do all the interviews. She’s the new Chief Communications Officer. Her job would be to highlight the fact that the USA was attacked unprovoked by China and was forced to respond but did so in a manner that accomplished a military objective while also trying to save as many human lives as possible.
And she’d be on the cover of Time. Wearing her uniform. Arms folded. Wearing her headset. Attractive but also deadly serious.
Final death toll for China would be over 150,000. Until the American brass comes out and says, No, that’s impossible. We know the numbers of personnel on all bases and based on the satellite imagery we know that the great majority of personnel left every single facility. So that number cannot possibly be any higher than one tenth of that.
Whether or not the balloon that destroyed Colorado Springs was truly launched by China or if it was indeed a false flag by the Americans is likely to remain unknown.
Now, let’s talk about the Woman in Red.
Evelyn Mae Johnston was born in Baltimore in 1879. She passed away on January 2nd, 1914 at the famed and glorious Mizpah hotel in Tonopah, Nevada at the milfy age of 34. How she came to be there is perhaps less important than what happened to her there. Though it is certainly a link in the chain that leads to present day, a time when if you would like to talk to Evelyn, you need but travel to Tonopah and visit the Mizpah Hotel.
Evelyn was a working girl. A good one. She had that touch. She was comfortable around men. She grew up in a large family and had 3 brothers, 1 older, 2 younger. She was a bit of a tomboy herself and was given more to playing baseball than sewing or knitting. She liked fine things and she wanted to see the world. She always knew she would leave Baltimore. Probably because she was shunned by most of the women in her life for not being sufficiently ladylike, as they were, nor for being in constant search of an upwardly mobile husband, as they were. Evelyn had many jobs throughout her adolescence and youth. She worked in a laundry. Hot, steamy, hair frizzying work that was. She didn’t care for it. She worked in a grainery, carrying bags of grain, threshing piles of grain with a shovel, and cleaning the incessant grain dust off of herself at the end of every day. The men were fun to work with but she didn’t care for it. She worked in a telegraph office for a time. She very much enjoyed working there. The two men she worked with were brilliant and energetic. They taught her Morse Code so she could tap out the messages on the telegraph machines. The notion that she could tap that device and speak to someone far, far away was positively electrifying. It instilled in Evelyn a burning need to travel from telegraph office to telegraph office so she could see with her own two eyes where her words ended up.
So that’s exactly what she did. She spent almost 2 years traveling across America, meeting people and learning something new every day. And that is how she found herself in Tonopah. She worked in the telegraph office for over a year. But then the head of the office got married and his new bride needed a job. So Evelyn was offered a job as a mail carrier in Tonopah. She didn’t much care for the decrease in the speed of the messages, from electricity over wires to the walking on her own two feet. But she also surmised that she would be getting paid to walk around town and meet people in the process of delivering their mail to them. What better way to get to know the town — and the major players in it — so she would be better prepared the next time a new bride needed a job. Evelyn therefore accepted.
Her favorite stop on her route was the brand new Mizpah Hotel. The man who’d built it owned a great many other things in Tonopah as well. Evelyn soon got to know him and his staff at the Mizpah.
So how did she go from mail carrier to male carrier?
Money.
The Post Office gig was pretty good but Evelyn wanted to level-up. She got to know some of the other girls who worked at the Mizpah and most of them made it seem rather glamorous. They also argued that if you were going to be on your back, you might as well get paid for it. And a lot of the men just wanted to talk. They spent most of their time underground, in the mine, surrounded by men. It was dangerous, lonely work down in the dark. Accidents were common. So a lot of them felt a tenuous connection to life. The timeless phantasmagoria of life in a mine led a lot of them to believe they were closer to Hell down there. Many of them told the ladies that they heard and saw strange things down there. But that everyone said to ignore it lest people think you were crazy. Which meant you weren’t safe. And then no one wanted to be in the mine with you because they weren’t sure if they could trust you. And then the boss man would be forced to let you go.
Evelyn found the job agreeable enough. Most of the men were sweet. A little rough around the edges sometimes. Plain ornery at others. But most of them were respectful and she often felt more like she was taking care of a litter of puppies than taking care of the needs of men. Vulnerable men. Who paid her to entertain their vulnerabilities with respect and understanding.
She soon developed a list of regulars. From local miners to men traveling between Boston and San Francisco who were in Tonopah but briefly. Tonopah soon developed a reputation for being a place where trains broke down, forcing riders to spend another night in town. Often at the Mizpah. Were the local hoteliers in cahoots with the railroad? Or were the railroad men as smitten with the woman in red as were the miners? Sufficient to sabotage a train with a phony malfunction and inconveniencing dozens if not hundreds of passengers?
Evie soon took over. She occupied a large suite on the 5th floor. Her preferred pickup line was Hey, you. She took to leaving pearls on pillows as a souvenir. Her lavish red dresses coined her the Lady in Red. Many fell in love with her. But she fell in love with only one. She waits for him still.
Email to the folks at http://catparapsychic.weebly.com/kitty-bits/the-mizpah-hotel
[Hello. :)
Thank you for this entertaining and well-written post about the Mizpah Hotel.
I'm working on a new book in which Evelyn seems to be making an appearance. I very much want to be as accurate as possible. I'm therefore trying to learn more about Evelyn. Particularly her life between when she was born in Baltimore in 1879 and when she arrived in Tonopah. Where and how she grew up, the series of events that led her to be so employed at the Mizpah, and what type of person she was.
Do you have any additional information about her? Either links to additional info online or anything you personally learned about her at the hotel, from the staff, or from her directly?
Is the photograph of the woman in side profile with her hair back actually her?
Thank you very much for your time.
Warm regards,
Captain Blank
PS Mizpah in Hebrew means "vista point". At 5 stories, it certainly was. And Evelyn's room was where?]
Netty Harbinson ran the Macallan distillery after her husband passed. For a woman to run such a large business at the time was unheard of and, for many, unthinkable. She used to walk along the bank of the nearby river and chat with her deceased husband, telling him all the goings-on of the business and talking things out with him. Today, you can still buy a bottle of whiskey made there at her distillery in 1926.
When Nettie was a young woman, she took a trip to America. She landed in New York, of course. And after touring the east coast, she bought a ticket on a train to California. That train stopped many times along the way on that weeklong journey. And one day, Nettie found herself in Tonopah, Nevada, being taken to the finest hotel in town. One of the finest anywhere. It was a five-story building, the tallest in the entire state of Nevada, and built by a wealthy silver magnate.
Its name was the Mizpah Hotel.
It had an electric elevator as well. The only one west of the Mississippi.
One evening, Netty was at the bar, sampling a variety of the American-made libations and enjoying a lively chat with the bartender. A woman in a stunning red silk and burgundy velvet dress melted into a seat at the bar. She watched for a long moment as Netty regaled the bartender with her exploits of making whiskey in Scotland at the distillery she and her husband owned. The lady in red listened intently. Nettie invited her to join them. Her name was Evelyn but she said Nettie could call her Evie. Her stage name was Rose. The women became fast friends. Until 2 days later when Nettie had to board the train to Los Angeles. Evie accompanied Nettie to the train station and bid her bon voyage. Nettie promised to return to Tonopah one day, hopefully soon. And she invited Evie to come to Scotland. Evie said she would love that. Perhaps one day.
Friday, January 2nd, 1914, Evie was murdered outside her room on the 5th floor of the Mizpah Hotel. She was killed by a man consumed with jealousy. Whether or not her one true love ever returned to the Mizpah we know not. Nevertheless, she waits for him still.
And if you travel to Tonopah…
…and you visit the Mizpah Hotel…
…you can visit that room on the 5th floor.
If you encounter a fragrant aroma, a perfume, the scent of a rose, that’s Evelyn. Welcoming you to the Mizpah Hotel.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is our show.
Thank you.
And goodnight.
Remember to tip your waitress.
Next episode coming Saturday!