EYE CANDY - Chapter 2: Floyd Stops Pecking the Air Long Enough to Predict the Future
Los Angeles. 2074. In a post-Singularity world, sentient robots are commonplace. People still go on blind dates. And your new robot bakes brownies much tastier than yours.
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“I’m ready.” Danny stood in front of the sofa, his arms out. He’d chosen jeans, a white T-shirt, a black leather jacket, and matching black shoes. “How do I look?”
Floyd sat on the big sofa. He wore only shorts and a bathrobe. His fingers tapped the air as he typed on the virtual keyboard projected before his eyes by his contact lens computers. Presently Floyd had the contact lens optics set to a bright green. Floyd ceased typing and looked Danny up and down. “You look dashing.”
“I bought this stuff this afternoon. Should I wear a suit instead?”
“Is this business or pleasure?”
“Well, it’s a date, so it’s pleasure.”
“Then a suit would not be appropriate. It’s a date, so you want to appear casual but stylish, as though you spent extra time preparing yourself specifically for her, but not so much time that you come off as obsessive and insecure. You’re wearing nice jeans with a hip, youthful flair, combined with nice shoes and a shirt and a timeless black leather jacket, all of which are age appropriate but still sexy. You look great. And you’re a great guy. If she doesn’t like you and doesn’t want to date you, it’s her loss. Don’t you agree, Howard?”
Floyd’s robot, HRD-0001, stood in the kitchen, stirring a bowl of brownie mix. Howard’s exterior sparkled pewter silver. Howard resembled an expensive supercar.
“Yes, sir,” Howard replied, “I quite agree.”
“Thanks, Howard,” said Danny. “Thanks, Floyd.” Danny sat on the big sectional. “By the way, this is the last month of your rental contract.”
Floyd paused for a moment. “Wow, it’s been another year already?”
“So do you and Howard want to continue living here? Month to month?”
“I do,” said Floyd. “What do you think, Howard? Shall we stick around?”
“I am pleased by this residence,” said Howard.
“Howard is pleased by this residence,” said Floyd. “And he’s correct. This place is great. Big house, big pool, big TV. . . .” Floyd gestured toward the room, the pool outside, and the gargantuan TV on the wall. “And you’ve been a great landlord, Danny.”
“You’ve been a great tenant. Both of you.” Danny smiled at Howard. Howard’s head swiveled, so that his eyes were more squarely aimed in Danny’s direction, and Danny would’ve sworn Howard was smiling back at him.
“And you’re cool with the weed?” Floyd pointed at the array of items arranged on the coffee table: baggies; grinder; lighters; ashtray; and a pipe made out of an empty glass honey jar shaped like a bear, with ice cubes and water in the base of it, perched on a coaster. “I know I keep asking you that, but a lot of times people say they’re cool with it but deep down they’re not cool with it. Or they think they’re cool with it, so they say they are, but over time they come to realize they’re not cool with it. But because they previously said that they were, they’re now afraid to speak their mind. It’s been legal for twenty-five years so you’d think it wouldn’t be a big deal. But I can keep all this stuff in my room if you like.”
“No, it’s fine. This is your house, too. If you feel comfortable out here and want to write out here, then that’s what I want you to do. How’s the screenplay coming?”
“It’s coming along nicely,” said Floyd. “The director has asked for a table reading in a couple weeks, so I’m trying to make sure it’s as good as it can be before then. And he loved the idea of me playing the male lead. He said I had a sexy yet sophisticated aesthetic.”
“That’s fantastic. I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks, man. So who’s the lucky lady that’s going to be swept off her feet tonight?”
“I don’t know. I only know her screen name: Eye Candy Ph.D.D.”
“Sexy and smart. What’s she look like?”
“She’s blonde. Tall. Green eyes. She looks pretty, but how much can you tell from a picture one inch tall?”
“You guys talk on the phone yet?”
“No, we wanted to wait until we meet in-person, face to face.”
“How old is she?”
“I’m not sure exactly.”
“Where does she live?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“What does she do for a living?”
“I don’t know that, either. Some sort of doctor, I guess.”
“Damn, you’ve got balls. I would never do that.”
“I guess that’s why it’s called a blind date. We decided to wait and get to know each other in person. Besides, it’s just dinner.”
“You going to Chateaux Pizza, like I suggested?”
“Yeah, we agreed to keep it casual. Plus, it’s the best pizza in town, right?”
“I believe so.”
“I’m meeting her there. If the date doesn’t go well, and one of us wants to end it, we’ll use the blind-date-ending code words.”
“What are the blind-date-ending code words?” Floyd asked.
“ ‘I’m really tired.’ ”
“Subtle.”
“Exactly. And don’t worry, even if she turns out to be completely insane, I will at least bring home a pizza for you and me to enjoy this weekend.”
“Thanks, man,” said Floyd. “Go get her. I’ve got a good feeling about this. And, who knows—you two may fall madly in love and live happily ever after. Right, Howard?”
“Such an event would be most fortuitous,” said Howard.
Danny was almost certain Howard’s smile had widened still further.
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