EYE CANDY - Chapter 28: Tonight’s the Night
There will be fireworks.
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Morning came.
Danny woke to the morning sun streaming in the window. He found a note on the pillow beside him.
D,
Went for a run on the beach with Gali, Copper, and Turing. See you soon.
C.
PS Last night was pure heaven.
No sexy panties accompanied the note. But a pair of red lips had kissed the paper and left a perfect imprint.
As for the postscript, he couldn’t agree more.
Danny rose and went to his suitcase. He placed the note inside a zippered compartment, beside a small box. After a moment, he withdrew the box. One of West Coast Artifactory’s finest, a one-of-a-kind original crafted by robotic hand. The box opened smoothly on its 24-karat gold hinge. Inside was a bed of purple silk. Nestled among the silk was the ring. A perfect circle of gold, elegant and timeless, with a diamond solitaire mounted to it.
Danny smiled.
He closed the box and tucked it into his suitcase. He dressed quickly and went downstairs in search of coffee.
He found Maggie in the kitchen, surrounded by pots and pans and baking sheets and mixing bowls and measuring cups and wooden spoons . . . all of it an array of culinary wonders. Maggie had dressed in a white two-piece bikini, covered by a knee-length sheer-white linen chemise that fluttered as she moved about the kitchen. With her wind-swept sandy-blond hair, her sun-kissed olive skin, and her youthful curves lurking beneath the chemise, Danny understood why Tim fought to keep her.
Maggie attended the pots on the stove, checked dishes in two ovens, and assembled ingredients into waiting bowls. She moved calmly, never in a hurry. She smiled as Danny entered. “You look like you could use some coffee.”
Danny sat on one of the barstools facing Maggie’s workspace. “Yes, please.”
“I just made a fresh pot. I don’t think I could survive without my coffee and chocolate.” Maggie poured a cup and handed it to Danny. “Candy went jogging on the beach with the girls. Candy was the first one up, to watch the sunrise. Man, that girl’s got a lot of energy. You two love birds were out swimming pretty late.”
“You don’t miss a thing, do you?”
“It’s my house. I’m the mom. It’s my job to know everything that goes on around here. For example, I know Nikola was out on the beach last night, blazing up. But I also know he just graduated top of his class and is going to S.C. next month, so if he wants to enjoy a little weed here and there, that’s his business. I know Rory has a crush on Candy and that you’re planning on proposing to her tonight on the beach during the fireworks. I also know that if you and Rory aren’t careful, your friendship won’t survive the weekend.”
Maggie stirred a pot of red sauce simmering on the stove. She tasted it, added red wine from a nearby bottle, stirred, and tasted it again. She turned and brought the spoon to Danny. “Taste this.”
Danny sipped sauce from the tip of the spoon. “Well, I don’t normally eat pasta for breakfast, but that is incredible. What’s your secret?”
“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret, would it?” Maggie smiled. “But since I know your secret, I’ll tell you mine. It may have something to do with sugar and red wine.”
“I’ll file that away in my memory banks.”
“Speaking of sugar, I sure do like Candy. I’ve never met anyone like her. We were talking this morning while the girls were upstairs getting ready for their run. She asked me about Tim’s new motorcycle. So I told her about the Relationship Oil Change class. I had a bit of a crush on the man teaching the class. Tim calls him the underwear model.”
“Did you and he ever. . . ?”
“Oh no. It never got that far.”
“Do you think you ever would’ve?”
Maggie chopped some parsley, added it to a bowl of diced tomatoes, and rinsed her hands in the sink. She carefully washed and then dried her wedding ring. “I’m ashamed to admit it, but maybe. If Tim and I had continued on the path which led us to the oil change class in the first place. . . .”
Maggie stared out the window at the ocean.
“We would’ve ended up like Rory and Melinda. Tim would probably move into a condo somewhere in Santa Monica. There’d be an ugly custody battle neither of us would’ve wanted to lose. We both hate to lose. Tim would start banging one of the temps in his office and I’d probably start sleeping with every man I could find in order to validate myself after the underwear guy decided he wanted to trade me in for a younger model. And the kids would wind up hating us both.”
Maggie took up a brush and gently painted olive oil onto thick slices of eggplant.
Danny sipped his coffee. “So what changed?”
“Well, apparently we have Tim’s boss to thank. He’ll be here tonight. He was the one who suggested the motorcycle. The man is a genius. Because when I saw Tim ride that bike into the seminar room, my heart leapt. I felt like a girl in a movie.” Maggie was grinning now. “Tim took me up to Malibu for fish tacos and a cold beer. Then we started kissing. And I don’t just mean kissing. We were going at it like teenagers at a drive-in. Have you ever been to a drive-in?”
“No.”
“Neither have I. But from what I understand, kids used to go at it hot and heavy. Tim and I certainly did. We wound up doing it right there on the bike. We were parked behind some trees so I don’t think anybody saw us but I wouldn’t have cared if they had. We’ve been like newlyweds ever since.” Maggie was positively beaming now. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to embarrass you.”
“No, it’s great to hear you guys are doing so well.”
Maggie slid the tray of eggplant into the oven. “So . . . tonight’s the night?”
“Tonight’s the night.”
“Nervous?”
“Maybe a little. But mostly I’m excited. I can’t wait for the fireworks to begin.”
“That makes two of us. I really think Candy is perfect for you. Which is why God put her in your life. Don’t let her get away.”
“That’s exactly what Nik said last night.”
“He’s a smart kid.”
Danny sipped his coffee. “You don’t think it’s too soon?”
“Does it feel too soon?”
“No.”
“Then it’s not too soon.”
“What about Rory?”
“If he’s truly your friend, he’ll understand. Besides, you’re forgetting one very important thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Which boy gets the girl isn’t up to you or Rory. It’s up to Candy. And judging by the racket coming from Rory and Harley’s room last night, I’d say he’s got his hands full. He just doesn’t know it yet. I’ve known Rory for more than ten years now. I was there the day he married Melinda. I hate to say it, but I knew she was bad news. Tim tried to talk to Rory but Rory wanted a family so badly. He tried so hard to make it work. Bless his heart.”
Tim and Rory walked into the kitchen.
Tim went to Maggie and took her in his arms. They shared a deep kiss. “Morning, gorgeous.”
Rory turned to Danny. “Ready?”
“For what?”
“It’s time to tow the barge out for the show tonight,” said Tim. “We’ve got to finish rigging the display.”
Danny recalled last night, when he’d heard Tim & Rory arguing. “I think I’m going to sit this one out. Why don’t you guys go without me.”
“Bullshit,” said Rory. “It’s a tradition. We finish setting the mortars, wire up the computer, then sit on the boat for two hours drinking beer and doing backflips into the ocean.”
“You gotta come,” said Tim. “I pumped out the head and everything. You have any idea how bad that smells?”
“You should go, Danny,” said Maggie. “Have some time alone with the guys before all the guests start arriving. Before the fireworks begin.”
“It’ll be fun,” Rory added.
“Alright, I’ll come. Maggie, will you–”
“I’ll take excellent care of Candy until you get back. Don’t worry.”
~
The drone of the engine was the only sound, punctuated by waves slapping the hull of Tim’s long white-and-red Baja Bowrider pleasure boat.
Tim drove.
Danny sat in the bow.
Rory sat in the stern.
They reached their destination, within sight of the house, and Tim shut off the engine.
Danny and Rory merely stared at him.
Tim sighed excessively in exasperation. “Well this is fun. The three of us really don’t get out enough. Tell you what, you guys haul in the barge while I work on the fuses.”
Rory leaned overboard and took hold of the tow rope. Danny moved to the rear and reached for it as well, and together they began to work hand over hand, pulling on the rope. They tried to establish a rhythm, but mostly each only fought the efforts of the other, splashing sea water all about.
“Pull harder,” said Rory. “I’m doing all the work. Candy have you up all night?”
“You would know,” said Danny, “you and Harley woke the whole house.”
“See?” Rory said to Tim. “They’re not even married yet and she’s already causing problems.”
“Don’t blame Candy for this,” said Danny. “Besides, you’re the expert in troubled marriages.”
“Fuck you!”
“Guys!” Tim moved to the stern and inserted himself between Rory and Danny. “Finish the fuses, Rory. I’ll help Danny with the barge.”
Rory opened the cooler and withdrew a beer. He chugged it, tossed the empty can on the deck, and opened another.
“Great,” said Tim. “Three men die in alcohol-related fireworks explosion. Film at eleven.”
Rory belched.
Danny faced Tim. “Why did you tell Rory about my proposal plans? I told you he would respond this way.”
“Because he asked me. And under the circumstances, I felt he should know.”
“What circumstances?”
Tim turned to Rory. “Should we tell him?”
“What the hell difference would it make? He’s in love.”
“Look, Rory,” said Danny, “I’m really sorry we fell in love with the same girl. But Candy loves me.”
“She said that?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“Last night. You’re just going to have to find your own girl, because I’m not going to lose this one. Under any circumstances. Don’t make me choose.”
“You’re really going to marry her?”
“Yes, I am. I’m going to ask her, anyway. I pray to God that she says yes.”
“You truly love her?” Rory asked.
“More than life itself.”
“And Candy loves you?”
“She told me last night that she does.”
Rory turned to Tim. “It’s impossible.”
“You don’t know that,” said Tim.
“It’s impossible,” said Rory. He turned back to Danny. “There’s no way she can love you.”
“Why the fuck not?”
“Because . . . because she’s a machine,” said Rory. “She’s a robot.”
~
Danny studied Rory. “What?”
“She’s a robot. We built her. Me and Tim and Mr. C. She’s company property. You and Candy are the subjects in the world’s most expensive robotics-slash-sociology experiment.”
“What?”
“She’s a robot.”
Danny stared at Rory. “You’re insane.”
“No, I’m being honest. She—it—is a machine. A damned good one but still just a machine. We built her—it. Me and Tim and Mr. Cherrolet.”
“And Larry,” Tim added. “Larry helped.”
“Larry the jaywalker who ate cat and shit himself?” asked Danny.
“Yes.”
“This is a joke, right?” Danny pleaded.
“It’s not a joke,” said Tim.
“You were only supposed to go on a few dates,” said Rory, “so we could see how she behaved. And we didn’t know she was going out with you. Talk about a small world. She was supposed to meet some loser who would buy her dinner and try to get into her pants, and then go home none the wiser that he just tried to screw a robot. But somehow she found you. And you sure as shit weren’t supposed to fall in love with her.”
“Was she supposed to fall in love with me?”
“Absolutely not. We needed to see how the systems would respond in a real-world environment, but we never anticipated this. Things have gone way too far. It needs to be deactivated.”
“It?”
“It’s a machine, Danny,” said Tim. “That’s all. You weren’t even supposed to meet her. When she told me she was going out with a guy she met online, we had no idea it was you.”
“You guys are starting to scare me,” said Danny. “This is crazy. She can’t be not real. She eats, she sleeps. She laughs, she cries. She has orgasms.”
“She had an orgasm?” Rory asked. “I thought you hadn’t had sex yet.”
“We haven’t. But we’ve done other stuff.”
Tim asked, “So her genitalia were . . . believable?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t gotten that far yet.”
“Then how did it reach climax?” asked Rory.
“I was kissing her breasts,” said Danny. “And stop calling her ‘it’.”
Rory turned to Tim. “Sexual arousal and climax without direct genital stimulation? Did you even know it could do that?” Rory turned back to Danny without waiting for Tim’s answer. “Danny, I know this is a shock and that you don’t know what to think or what to feel, and it’s perfectly understandable that you’re a little freaked out right now because you banged, or almost banged, a robot. But tell me, from a purely scientific view, what did you think of her tits?”
“You pig.”
“What, it’s a legitimate question! I designed those tits and I’d like to know how they function. Did they feel real?”
Danny sighed. “Yes, they felt real. They were perfect.”
Rory beamed. He turned to Tim. “And you said they were too big.”
Danny sat down hard on the side of the boat. “This really isn’t a joke?”
“No, man,” said Rory. “It’s not a joke.”
“How can this possibly be true? She’s an adult woman. She’s a robopsychologist. I’ve seen her diplomas. What about her office? She has clients. What about Susannah?”
“The office and the clients are real. Susannah is a real receptionist. As far as we know, she has no idea her boss is a robot.”
Danny shook his head. “Candy told me about her childhood. About her lemonade stand.”
“The lemonade stand came from Harley,” said Tim. “Implanted in Candy’s memory. Along with a bunch of other stuff we simply made up.”
“But she’s so real. Her body. Her hair. Her skin. She has the softest skin.”
“Larry grew her skin,” said Tim.
“She really had an orgasm?” asked Rory.
Danny nodded.
“Wow.”
“You didn’t know she could do that?” Danny asked.
“We hypothesized,” said Tim. “But we never. . . .”
“What was it like?” Rory asked. “As a scientist, I’d really like to know.”
“Forget it.”
“Was it more than once?”
“I said forget it.”
“Please, Danny,” said Tim. “I know this is a lot to take, but try to look at it from our perspective. Candy is the culmination of our life’s work. Mr. C has put a lot of money into this project. A lot of money. If this works, if the iCandy project is a success, it will change robotics forever. I’m sorry things got so out of control. And I’m sorry that we’ve basically taken a giant shit on your plans for matrimony and a life lived happily ever after. But it’s best that you find out now, rather than later. It’ll hurt less this way.”
“Are you sure about that?”
Tim shrugged.
“Does she know she’s a robot?” Danny asked.
“Of course not,” said Tim. “That would completely undermine the very purpose of the experiment.”
Danny turned to Rory. “What about you, you sick bastard?”
“What about me?”
“You knew she was a robot and you still fell in love?”
“That is pretty twisted, huh?”
Danny reached into the cooler and grabbed a cold beer.
“So, what are you going to do now?” Tim asked.
“What are you guys going to do now?” Danny countered. “Are you going to deactivate her?”
Tim and Rory locked eyes.
Finally, Rory spoke. “I think we need to talk to Mr. C.”
“Don’t do anything yet,” said Danny. “I need some time to think. Okay?”
Rory and Tim looked at each other once more.
Tim gave the slightest of nods.
“Fine,” said Rory.
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