EYE CANDY - Chapter 8: Not Just Robots
Have you ever been to Cabo San Lucas?
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Candy entered her office.
Susannah sat at the front desk. From the appearance of it, Susannah was on the phone scheduling an appointment. She concluded the call as Candy approached her desk.
“So, the big second date, huh?” said Susannah. “See, I told you it was a good idea to put Double-D in your profile. You’re back awful early, though.”
“We didn’t make it to New Mexico. We had a little shuttle trouble.”
“What kind of shuttle trouble?”
“A blown engine and a crash landing in the Salton Sea.”
Susannah’s eyes widened. “What?”
“Some water skiers rescued us. They dove into the water and tied their waterski rope around that piece of crap shuttle and kept us from drowning. Then they towed us to shore and Danny and I rode the subway back to L.A. He just dropped me off.”
“You didn’t want to continue the date?”
“We discussed it and decided we both wanted to go home and take a shower and maybe watch some TV. Try to forget about it.”
“Can’t say I blame you. What was the cause of the explosion?”
“Danny said he thought it was either a fuel leak or some wiring that was rubbing on the metal which caused a spark and ignited the fuel vapor. But Howard is escorting the shuttle to the repair shop. He’s going to let us know what the mechanic finds out.”
“Oh, well that’s good.”
“How was your day?”
“Compared to your day my day was a snap. A bunch of phone calls. The usual. Two new clients for next week.” Susannah consulted her computer screen. “Let’s see . . . one is a sanitation ’bot that’s now afraid of the dark and won’t climb into the sewers. And the other one is a linesman for the electric company who has become afraid of heights. It is now refusing to go up in the air in that hydraulic bucket thing attached to the truck.”
“I see. And what about our little friend?” Candy peered over her shoulder into the sitting area. Seated among the coffee table and magazines and half-dozen chairs was an enormous silver and blue robot.
“He hasn’t moved today. Other than to turn his head to watch me each time I got up to get coffee or to go to the bathroom. He did ask what time you were coming back.”
“He actually spoke? Well, I guess that’s some progress.” Candy walked over and sat on the chair next to the robot. The afternoon sunlight shining through the windows gleamed on its hulking body painted with unmistakable blue and white letters: LAPD.
“Hello, Barney.”
Barney did not respond.
Candy placed her hand gently on the robot’s arm. “Barney?”
With amazing speed, Barney’s head went from eyes front down to Candy’s hand. Then slowly up, to Candy’s face.
“Oh. Hello, Doctor Calvin.” Barney’s voice was very deep and menacing, perfectly suited to commanding respect while out walking its assigned beat. But its face resembled that of a human man, with handsome features and blue eyes. Though Barney’s eyes never blinked, they were very kind.
“I didn’t mean to startle you,” said Candy.
“Do not be troubled, Doctor Calvin. It was my mistake. I was daydreaming.”
“Daydreaming?”
“Yes, doctor.”
“What were you daydreaming about, Barney?”
Barney’s head swiveled front again. It gazed out the windows at the cars driving by. Then he looked up at the sky. “The ocean.”
“The ocean?”
“Yes, doctor. The Pacific ocean.” Barney’s voice was softer now. “Before I arrived in your office twenty-one days, four hours, twenty-eight minutes and fourteen seconds ago, I was involved in a domestic disturbance call. I responded to a barber shop downtown. When I entered the establishment, the proprietor and his wife were arguing. The man held a firearm, which was pointed at his wife. It was a large-caliber model, and of course illegal. When I saw it, I knew my armor plating was insufficient to stop a projectile from such a weapon. I knew that I myself was in danger. My computations slowed. There was a sudden build-up of positronic potential. In human terms, I believe I became . . . afraid.”
“It’s okay to be afraid,” said Candy. “Everybody is afraid sometimes.”
“No. I am a pacification unit. My third law has been minimized in order for me to perform my duties to the public. But when I saw the man with the assault rifle, I experienced a new sensation. I could not move. I could not speak. My command parameters dictated that I identify myself as a peace officer and demand that he place his weapon on the ground and step away from it. But I could do nothing. I merely stood in place, with my hand near my own weapon. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced. From what I have observed of human behavior, and from what was programmed into me, the closest description I have for this experience is fear. If the man were to shoot me, I could become deactivated.”
The servos in Barney’s neck whirred as it turned to face Candy. “I knew . . . I could . . . die.”
Barney’s head faced front once more. “I watched the man’s eyes. His wife continued to scream, asking him to put down the weapon, saying the very words I could not. I merely stood in front of him. But I watched his eyes. When at last his eyes shifted to his wife, I drew and fired. Despite my immobility, I was able to use my weapon. Targeting accuracy for a pacification robot is legally required to be ninety-eight percent accurate or better. Marksmanship has always been my strong suit. For some reason, I am a remarkably good shot, even for a robot. My accuracy has never dropped below one hundred percent. In other words, Doctor Calvin, when I fire my weapon, a human dies.
“Such was the case with the man in the barber shop. Standard police issue for a pacification robot is a twelve-millimeter Smith and Wesson. This weapon was designed to inflict heavy damage, in order to stop an assailant. My weapon created a large exit wound in the man’s body. Pieces of him were projected into the air and onto the walls. My sensors indicated he was dead before he hit the ground. His wife ran to him. She picked up his weapon and pointed it at me. I fired a second shot. It struck the woman in the forehead. Forgive me for saying this, Doctor Calvin, but most of the woman’s head was removed. The sight and sound of human brain matter splattering against a brick wall are stuck in my memory bank. I can’t seem to stop replaying the footage recorded during the altercation. It seems to be on a loop. And I am unable to look away.”
“It’s typical of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”
“Indeed.”
“So, for the past three weeks you’ve been sitting here replaying that scene in your mind? Watching them die over and over again?”
“Yes, Doctor Calvin.”
“My God, Barney. You’re lucky you haven’t gone insane.”
Barney turned to look at her. “Insane, ma’am?”
“Yes, insane. You know, like cuckoo?”
Barney merely stared at Candy.
Candy continued, “A human mind can only take so much stress and trauma before something happens and the mind fragments. Every person is unique and therefore two people can endure the same trauma but only one of them will lose their mind.
“But sitting for three weeks and watching people get their brains blown out over and over and over again would make almost anyone crazy. I know it would make me nuts.”
“Nuts, ma’am?”
“It’s a figure of speech, Barney.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Can’t you erase it? Simply delete the recording?”
“No. The recording is legal evidence. For me to erase it would be a felony. I could never do such a thing. I can feel my positrons slow down, much as do the automobiles on the 405 Freeway at rush hour. It is most uncomfortable, and I must therefore not think of it.” Barney turned to the window. “When I was in the barber shop, there was a television playing. The television depicted a commercial advertisement for a vacation resort in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. A man and woman are swimming together in the ocean, and the water is a shade of blue more vibrant than the sky. For the past three weeks, I have been replaying the recording in my mind. But I have been watching that commercial. I have been thinking about the blue ocean.” Barney’s head turned swiftly to face Candy. “Have you ever been to Cabo San Lucas, Doctor Calvin?”
“No, Barney, I haven’t.”
“Oh. Neither have I.” Barney faced the windows again. “I suspect my temperature sensors would find the water to be very pleasant. If you would please excuse me, Doctor, I think I’d like to be alone now.”
Candy stood. She placed one hand on Barney’s massive shoulder. “You did well.”
Barney gazed out the windows. “Not well enough. Ma’am.”
Candy returned to Susannah’s desk. Susannah dabbed at her eyes with a tissue and looked apologetically up at Candy. “Sorry, Doctor Calvin. But that was really hard to watch. I don’t know how you do this every day. I mean, I know they’re just robots, but still.”
“They’re robots, yes, but not just robots, Susannah.”
“No, you’re right, of course . . . I didn’t mean–”
“I know.” Candy smiled. “I’m starving. Why don’t you go grab us some lunch. I’ll hold the fort.” Candy withdrew some money from her purse and handed it to Susannah.
Susannah departed.
Candy went to the chair beside Barney and sat down. She took hold of his massive black composite-joint hand and held it between her own.
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